Have you ever felt that energy around someone where you know they disapprove of you? Maybe they’ve even told you that? Maybe even asked you not to be your beautiful, wonderful self around them? You feel like you have to walk on eggshells. I certainly have been there many times. I’ve had friends, relatives, co-workers – many relationships where I can see that someone wishes I would behave, act or even think differently than the way I do. Recently a friend asked me WHY do you think you have to be anyone other than who you are around them? I said, because I want to make them “happy”. He responded with, “Is it your job to make others happy and is that even possible?” The answer is no.
“Is it your job to make others happy and is that even possible?” The answer is no.
We can never, not matter how hard we try, make people happy. We can certainly do kind things for others, help them out, be there to listen, not judge them – but we simply cannot make them happy. So being anything other than who you are, and assure you – your truest nature is perfection, isn’t a necessary task. In fact, it’s quit draining to try and make people happy.
People who know me, see that I lack a “filter”. I’ve always been this way, even as a child. I have learned to be more aware about how people are feeling and to speak in the terms that reach them, but I’ve always been unapologetically – me. Sometimes I slip into a moment where I speak reactively, or out of anger – and in those moments I say, “Wow, that really was not me there – I have only love for you.” Because my true essence, and this is true for everyone, is not anger, reaction, hate, fear, anxiety – our true essence is Love. Sometimes we react quickly because of those negative emotions – but that’s not really how we feel. What we all really want is unconditional love and acceptance. That’s the truth. The more you remember this love that is your true self, the more you will see this in other people.
The more you remember this love that is your true self, the more you will see this in other people.
So do we have to surround ourselves with people who let us know they wish we were another way, spend our energy on the unending cycle of trying to please? Nope, not at all. You are never obliged to anyone but yourself – not even family, not even your children. In fact, when my children feel angry or grouchy, I simply say – “You’re not yourself right now – and that’s okay. However, we don’t want to be around that – why don’t you rest or spend time alone in your room until you feel yourself again.” This sends a clear message that they’re not “bad” for feeling that way – and also helps them realize that those feelings don’t define who they are – because negativity is anything but who they are or who we are.
So be the beautiful, perfect love that you are – and know that there is nothing you need to do or achieve to be “good enough” or meet other’s expectations. Just be you.
(All my philosophies, parenting style and everything I strive to be is inspired by studying “A Course in Miracles” )